I know you think, who the heck am I to get up, pack myself and these kids up, and leave the mean wrath of a man 3x’s as strong as me? He’ll hurt me!
I know Sis, and I feel your pain. Believe me, I do. It was a hot night in July when my former abuser slammed me against a parked car, shoved his forearm in my neck, with his bloodshot eyes bulging from his face, staring me down as if to say “Try me, and see if I don’t strangle your ass.”
My friend, I was pregnant with my 3rd child when all of this happened. MY CHILD’S FATHER decided to strangle me.
THAT ALONE is what I keep at the forefront of my mind any time I hear my sweet 3yo daughter call out “Daaaadddy” and he’s not here for her at that moment. It got me down one time – 1 time – only OnCe. You know why? Because I vividly remember, not leaving that night he strangled me. I didn’t know where to go, what to do. He could have killed us both.
Yet, I went inside that house that night, and prayed, and started feeling like, ‘I have GOT TO LEAVE THIS.’ That night would have been a perfect time to leave actually as my 2 oldest children were out of town at my parents’ home. So, I could have packed up pregnant me and driven to my parents, but I didn’t.
Why?
Why didn’t I drive there?
Why did I keep staying for 3 years after that, THAT THAT WASN’T THE FIRST INCIDENT? Why?
Why do you stay?
Do we stay because ‘it’ll be too hard to leave?’ ‘How do I start over?’ ‘How will I manage the kids all by myself?’ ‘Won’t he hurt us worse if we leave?’
Here’s my answers to each of those now that I didn’t have that night:
1. Is it easy to stay?
2. One step-at-a-time. I’m here to help with that.
3. Delicately share your story with people you discern you can trust – help will find you. A closed mouth doesn’t get fed.
4. Immediately file all abuse to get it on record, and get a protective order. Police stations have female officers that are more than willing to help guide you in the right direction for these things. We’ll dive into other resources too.
Visit us here https://linktr.ee/noirexc
Until next time…Hugs.