Vlog

What Are Your Social Circles Like?

by M J | Feb 29, 2024 | Uncategorized

***This is raw content. Please forgive any grammatical errors. I write from my heart – let it flow – and pray it heals souls that read it.***

Social Awareness is a key quadrant to the EQ matrix. This part of the matrix is easier said than done. You must be willing to take as much of yourself out of your thought processes as possible. Replace yourself with others’ wellbeing.

Now, this is most difficult for the abuse victim to do towards the abuser. Let me tell you, I get you…I understand, and I empathize. The best advice I can give here is from my personal experience. I did my best to listen to the words coming out of my abuser’s mouth, assess them with psychology literature on my side. I’d come to the realization that science has deemed these 1-2-3 behaviors as XYZ. These behaviors then lead to ABC if they feel they need to let their power reign over an inferior, “me,” “the woman.” Once I completed those observation. I did a personal assessment to see if I could handle those things. I said, you know what, I’ll just ensure I’m protected; I’ll take self-defense classes. I shared that information with a therapist, and they said “You should never feel like you have to know how to defend yourself in your home.” “That’s not a safe place to live Mia.” “I want to connect you to a Life Group.”

So, I did. I connected with the Life Group – 1 person got back to me – just the 1 person God needed me to interact with. She let me know her domestic abuse story didn’t go well. She’s alive to tell it, and is grateful to be alive. But, she warned me, get your story documented and prepare to leave. You do not want things to escalate and you not be here to tell your story. So, I followed instructions. The very next year, I’d moved out, re-started my life, prayed over and forgave my abuser – and prepared myself in every way necessary to do what God was unfolding over my life.

Take this from this message today, be aware of social queues from your abuser. Research, and learn how to cope with them if you’re unable to leave immediately. Get therapy yourself to learn how to cope with your abusers symptoms. Lean into a social circle that will not judge you but that will acknowledge your experience/your pain/your emotions – reciprocate for them – and pursue healing in a supportive/encouraging/helpful to your escape community. For the latter, it is your social circle and how well you’ve managed your social awareness to determine who will be there for you in the middle of the night, or any hour, when you and your children need to get away.

So, understand this takeaway too, pour into those who pour into you. From The Message (MSG) Bible, Luke 6:37-38 says “…Be easy on people; you’ll find life a lot easier. Give away your life; you’ll find life given back, but not merely given back—given back with bonus and blessing. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity.” This is a trying time for you, no doubt. But, aside from your abuser, there are people who want to help, and will actually help you. Be sure to pour back into those that pour into you; when they give, it’s not necessary to immediately give back. But, offer to be of service, for whatever it is: run an errand, host a meeting for them, make them a meal and take it by their house. My cousin Tiffany has been there for me on many occasions, and even though my funds were low, I couldn’t buy her a gift, I had extra food benefits, so I sent her a grocery delivery order when she was several months ago. “Thank you Cousin!” Offer what you can, even your time, when you can. Show gratitude and sincere care and concern for those who have shown you the same.

***Only use these tips to help a true domestic violence victim get to safety and justice. Anyone misusing these tips to wrongly prosecute someone should immediately stop use of this site.***

Manage Yourself

by M J | Feb 27, 2024 | Uncategorized

***This is raw content. Please forgive any grammatical errors. I write from my heart – let it flow – and pray it heals souls that read it.***

Mia, what in the world do you mean “Manage myself?”

Ok, Sis, I know this is a bit of a different way to communicate with you in regards to the circumstance. But, hear me out.

You’ve come to. You’ve realized, this is not where I’m meant to be. God means for a marriage to be like it says in this Word, “So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. ²⁹ For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it (Ephesians 5:28-29).” Sis, you are meant to be cherished, love. You are! And, you will be. Knowing that that chapter of your life is unfolding, manage your emotions, your pride, and your integrity well for these next phases of the transition.

If you are a woman that was like me and didn’t have much to her own name, because the abuser insisted your whole married life be “in his name”…not joint – just his name – then you will need to tuck away your pride, and be ready to ask some hard questions to people and organizations that can help.

I have a workshop that goes over this more in-depth, but what you need to do is write a list of any resource you can find in your zip code that helps women and children in need. You are going to call every shelter in your zip code, find out what has to happen for you to get there in safety, and how do they help once you’re there? Find out resources for your children, especially if you have children with special needs…ORGANIZE THIS NOW. Get your children’s school enrollment information in order (i.e. enrollment paperwork from school, vaccination records, hospitalization records, medication records, birth certificates, SSN cards, all the things you’ll need to verify you/your identity, and that these babies are your babies). Take great care to keep these items in a safe place – preferably in a fire/waterproof folder or case.

Now with your resources, be sure to add to your list to research:

• job placement organizations (i.e. local workforce commission, etc.)
• grocery assistance (i.e. food pantries, SNAP, etc.)
• rent/mortgage assistance (i.e. churches, government housing, deferred payment plans for your mortgage)
• transportation (take your family car as the 1st preference) (scope out walking, bus, rideshare routes for you and your kids if needed)
• allocate a savings – start working (part-time/full-time – whatever you can to start building up your own money)
  • If your abuser becomes suspicious of your working, then start part-time, away from the house, or find a very flexible, remote, full-time role. The latter will allow you to be home more, but away some to run errands to get other things in alignment for your escape. But, you being home won’t seem like such a shock for the type of abuser who is very money-time-whereabouts controlling.

This post is to get you thinking beyond your self-awareness realization. Now, that we know we’re meant for better, It-Is-Time-To-Go-Sis! So, let’s manage our necessities so we can start gathering resources to get us closer to the life, love, and marriage that God has for us.

***Only use these tips to help a true domestic violence victim get to safety and justice. Anyone misusing these tips to wrongly prosecute someone should immediately stop use of this site.***

He Made Me Realize

by M J | Feb 25, 2024 | Uncategorized

***This is raw content. Please forgive any grammatical errors. I write from my heart – let it flow – and pray it heals souls that read it.***

When my abuser decided to behave outside the lines of what God said a husband should do towards his wife, I was hurt, traumatized, broken. But, I soon realized that I did something often, and closer to my time to leave. I would consistently say out loud “This is not what a marriage is supposed to be.” I remember looking around and feeling confused, thinking “Why am I here?” “Why is this playing out like this?” Then my mind would snap to it and reveal, “I am not supposed to live like this.” “This is not what God has for you.” “There’s more for you.” The Holy Spirit was speaking through me. A still, small voice would tell me what is meant for me is better than that present circumstance. So, I had a sense of peace that moved me through each phase of transition and transformation.

Those two things are what I want to share with you all this Sunday afternoon (Feb. 25, 2024, 3:19pm CST). Transitioning from one phase of life to another. The transformation that occurs in mind, body, and spirit at the end of the transition. God takes us through transitions all the time. I’ve heard some women say, every decade they become different in their social stances, in their life expectations, how their body moves, etc. Just 3 days ago a 70+yo woman told me she feels like every 3-5yrs things change about yourself. Each of those times, no matter the timespan, a transition is happening. Neurologically, spiritually, emotionally, physically, God is preparing us for his next move in our life.

When my abuser backed me into a vehicle with his forearm piercing my neck so there was barely any breath left, , while pregnant, I reacted, defended myself, got into the house, and immediately began strategizing how to get out of there. It was horrible then, and challenging to write through right now. But, I know that immediately when I began planning my exit strategy, a combination of street smarts and emotional intelligence (EQ) kicked in honey. I began contacting every entity I could think of to help me make my next move.

Ladies, when it’s time for you to make that move, think strategically and think to win your case in court. You deserve to be protected by every bit, piece, and corner of the law. So, use your emotional intelligence (EQ) to get you there. First things first: be self-aware. Get a moment to yourself and go to the restroom with your cell phone. Set up 2 gmail accounts he’ll never have access to. Record the username and password to each account’s Google Keep app (it’s a note taking app); for backup. Now you have an email for the pictures we’re about to take, and a backup email that can get you access to the other email in case you get locked out. Now, look at your face, head, neck, entire body as much as you can in that mirror. Take a picture of every bruise, every cut, every scrape, every black eye, etc. that you see. Immediately email those pictures (better yet, place them all in your Google Drive too) to one of those new email addresses you set up.

Great work sis, you’ve completed a step towards getting justice on your side with recorded proof of what your abuser has done to you. Remember to keep your files safe, your login information protected. And, remember, you have a community of support here. Stay with us, and we’ll provide you every resource we can to help you get to a better life as God intended you to have.

***Only use these tips to help a true domestic violence victim get to safety and justice. Anyone misusing these tips to wrongly prosecute someone should immediately stop use of this site.***