***This is raw content. Please forgive any grammatical errors. I write from my heart – let it flow – and pray it heals souls that read it.***
Mia, what in the world do you mean “Manage myself?”
Ok, Sis, I know this is a bit of a different way to communicate with you in regards to the circumstance. But, hear me out.
You’ve come to. You’ve realized, this is not where I’m meant to be. God means for a marriage to be like it says in this Word, “So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it (Ephesians 5:28-29).” Sis, you are meant to be cherished, love. You are! And, you will be. Knowing that that chapter of your life is unfolding, manage your emotions, your pride, and your integrity well for these next phases of the transition.
If you are a woman that was like me and didn’t have much to her own name, because the abuser insisted your whole married life be “in his name”…not joint – just his name – then you will need to tuck away your pride, and be ready to ask some hard questions to people and organizations that can help.
I have a workshop that goes over this more in-depth, but what you need to do is write a list of any resource you can find in your zip code that helps women and children in need. You are going to call every shelter in your zip code, find out what has to happen for you to get there in safety, and how do they help once you’re there? Find out resources for your children, especially if you have children with special needs…ORGANIZE THIS NOW. Get your children’s school enrollment information in order (i.e. enrollment paperwork from school, vaccination records, hospitalization records, medication records, birth certificates, SSN cards, all the things you’ll need to verify you/your identity, and that these babies are your babies). Take great care to keep these items in a safe place – preferably in a fire/waterproof folder or case.
Now with your resources, be sure to add to your list to research:
- job placement organizations (i.e. local workforce commission, etc.)
- grocery assistance (i.e. food pantries, SNAP, etc.)
- rent/mortgage assistance (i.e. churches, government housing, deferred payment plans for your mortgage)
- transportation (take your family car as the 1st preference) (scope out walking, bus, rideshare routes for you and your kids if needed)
- allocate a savings – start working (part-time/full-time – whatever you can to start building up your own money)
- If your abuser becomes suspicious of your working, then start part-time, away from the house, or find a very flexible, remote, full-time role. The latter will allow you to be home more, but away some to run errands to get other things in alignment for your escape. But, you being home won’t seem like such a shock for the type of abuser who is very money-time-whereabouts controlling.
This post is to get you thinking beyond your self-awareness realization. Now, that we know we’re meant for better, It-Is-Time-To-Go-Sis! So, let’s manage our necessities so we can start gathering resources to get us closer to the life, love, and marriage that God has for us.
***Only use these tips to help a true domestic violence victim get to safety and justice. Anyone misusing these tips to wrongly prosecute someone should immediately stop use of this site.***