***This is raw content. Please forgive any grammatical errors. I write from my heart – let it flow – and pray it heals souls that read it.***
Social Awareness is a key quadrant to the EQ matrix. This part of the matrix is easier said than done. You must be willing to take as much of yourself out of your thought processes as possible. Replace yourself with others’ wellbeing.
Now, this is most difficult for the abuse victim to do towards the abuser. Let me tell you, I get you…I understand, and I empathize. The best advice I can give here is from my personal experience. I did my best to listen to the words coming out of my abuser’s mouth, assess them with psychology literature on my side. I’d come to the realization that science has deemed these 1-2-3 behaviors as XYZ. These behaviors then lead to ABC if they feel they need to let their power reign over an inferior, “me,” “the woman.” Once I completed those observation. I did a personal assessment to see if I could handle those things. I said, you know what, I’ll just ensure I’m protected; I’ll take self-defense classes. I shared that information with a therapist, and they said “You should never feel like you have to know how to defend yourself in your home.” “That’s not a safe place to live Mia.” “I want to connect you to a Life Group.”
So, I did. I connected with the Life Group – 1 person got back to me – just the 1 person God needed me to interact with. She let me know her domestic abuse story didn’t go well. She’s alive to tell it, and is grateful to be alive. But, she warned me, get your story documented and prepare to leave. You do not want things to escalate and you not be here to tell your story. So, I followed instructions. The very next year, I’d moved out, re-started my life, prayed over and forgave my abuser – and prepared myself in every way necessary to do what God was unfolding over my life.
Take this from this message today, be aware of social queues from your abuser. Research, and learn how to cope with them if you’re unable to leave immediately. Get therapy yourself to learn how to cope with your abusers symptoms. Lean into a social circle that will not judge you but that will acknowledge your experience/your pain/your emotions – reciprocate for them – and pursue healing in a supportive/encouraging/helpful to your escape community. For the latter, it is your social circle and how well you’ve managed your social awareness to determine who will be there for you in the middle of the night, or any hour, when you and your children need to get away.
So, understand this takeaway too, pour into those who pour into you. From The Message (MSG) Bible, Luke 6:37-38 says “…Be easy on people; you’ll find life a lot easier. Give away your life; you’ll find life given back, but not merely given back—given back with bonus and blessing. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity.” This is a trying time for you, no doubt. But, aside from your abuser, there are people who want to help, and will actually help you. Be sure to pour back into those that pour into you; when they give, it’s not necessary to immediately give back. But, offer to be of service, for whatever it is: run an errand, host a meeting for them, make them a meal and take it by their house. My cousin Tiffany has been there for me on many occasions, and even though my funds were low, I couldn’t buy her a gift, I had extra food benefits, so I sent her a grocery delivery order when she was several months ago. “Thank you Cousin!” Offer what you can, even your time, when you can. Show gratitude and sincere care and concern for those who have shown you the same.
***Only use these tips to help a true domestic violence victim get to safety and justice. Anyone misusing these tips to wrongly prosecute someone should immediately stop use of this site.***